Monday, October 5, 2009

First Post

I figured since my business seems to be inconveniently exposed to the world already, I might as well write about it and get my feelings out.

I recently experienced a tragedy I wish upon no one. I lost my baby before it was born. The feelings of grief and devastation can't be put into words, nor the fear I have of it happening again. I miss my baby already, even though I never got to see him/her face to face. I considered posting on one of those baby forums for other mothers who miscarried, but I can't bring myself there, because most of them if not all, don't have what I already have, which is the Lord Jesus Christ. Without Christ I would probably have fallen into a serious depression. I will admit this is my first trial to rock my world since I have been saved, for I went through more than one can imagine before being born again. I can't look at the past and say "I wish I had done it this way or that" because that does me no good, nor does worrying about what my future holds from this moment on. But when an event like this happens, you can't help but fear feeling this again when what you are trying for isn't a sure thing. The only difference between my first pregnancy and my next, Lord permitting, is that I wasn't planning on my first one (even though God was). I do plan on trying again after giving myself some time to grieve, breathe, and heal physically (because it really does take a toll on your body). I just want people to know that I do not want to be approached about the situation because I have shed my fair share of tears already and am feeling pretty fragile. I know Christ will allow for children in our lives when He's ready, if that's what He wants. I do pray so.

Phil 4:7-13 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things... 11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

1 comment:

  1. Jenn, just wanted to let you know I understand and my heart aches for both you and Timm. I had a miscarriage at 2 1/2 months (baby was only about 6 weeks along). The physical pain was far worse than the delivery pain with Karen and Lisa. To this day, I still think of the little one I've yet to meet and, many times, end up in tears - but, I am looking forward to meeting him/her in Heaven. Thank God our hope is in Jesus!