(written mid April 2010, finished in mid May)
"Leg cramps, short of breath, gotta pee, wow he's kicking so hard, restless legs, 'timm will you pick that up?' oh my goodness my tailbone is killing me, I am SO hungry!" Those are just a few of the new/common things you could catch me saying now and within the past 3 weeks.
So a few new things have come up recently: I now go to my doctor's appointments every 2 weeks, I started birthing classes, actually felt hiccups for the first time, and scored over 100 items of baby clothes for only $65.
I love going to the doctor's every 2 weeks now because I constantly have questions and this way my curiosity and concerns can be satiated a bit more frequently, but personally I would prefer to go every week throughout the whole pregnancy and have my personal doctor on tap on the phone at any hour! But since I don't have that available to me I need to just trust the Lord that everything is okay according to His plan no matter what and just trust it.
As for the birthing classes there are 8 other couples in the class all ranging from the closest due date of June 16, 2010 to the farthest due date of July 31, 2010. I am pretty much right in the middle of that. The first day of class is always a little awkward and she made everyone go around the room and introduce themselves and talk a little bit about the baby and any concerns they had. I hate having the spotlight on me unless I want it to be there so I was a little nervous when it came to my turn and I completely forgot to introduce Timm. It made everyone at the class chuckle. So far the classes are going well, mainly a sit and listen and be informed type of deal with a lot of interesting yet informative videos thrown into the mix. Occasionally we will get up and practice different techniques but mainly we learn. Next time we have class though we get to visit the labor and delivery area of the hospital, which I am excited about because I am hoping to see some new born babies in the nursery, if they have that type of open set up. Also it'll be nice to just familiarize myself with the place I will be delivering so that I am not totally confused and more out of sorts than need be on that special day that I go into labor.
Next up were those hiccups I felt for the first time, which by now I feel almost everyday. They are so cute because I know exactly what is going on when I feel those intermittent little tiny thuds on the very bottom of my belly. Judah having the hiccups also let's me know that he is in a head down position, which is good to know because I really would like to not have a C-section, but like I said to everyone else I just want to do what is safest for the baby and myself.
Last on the updated list above was Timm and I scoring all those baby clothes for an awesome price. We actually were only going to pay $50 but the people who gave us the clothes were so incredibly nice and welcoming (especially since we were total strangers off craigslist!) that we gave them $15 more than their asking price. I just finished putting all of the clothes away into our new dresser and 4 out of the 5 drawers are filled. Particularly we got a lot of sleep 'n' plays for the 3-6 month range so I hope he's sleeping and playing a lot in those months =).
(written May 10, 2010)
So 8.6 weeks left til my due date, which is certainly an estimation but I do hope that it goes to the full 40 weeks. I am now feeling Judah all the time with very vigorous movements. Earlier today my belly was literally at a total slant because he was pushed out on one side. I tried to take a picture but he always changes positions quickly.
So when you are pregnant you are prone to having strange and vivid dreams, usually the subconscious's way of dealing with any underlying emotions, fears, or any other feelings. I'm not quite sure what they mean but they are interesting just the same. I wanted to share some of the most ridiculous dreams I have been having lately though, two in particular.
First dream: I am not only having one kid but two! But here's the kicker I look down at my belly and there is only one child, so where is the other one you ask? Its in my other body! I have two bodies in this dream with one child in each. I am not sure of the gender of one of the babies but definitely one was a boy. I also could see the babies sticking out of my stomachs in a way I could see their features pretty clearly, which also let me know that they were both in breech positions. I was so upset because I knew I was going to have to have two C-sections, one for each body, but then I thought to myself I guess its not too bad because its only one C-section per body (because in the real world having multiple C-sections can limit you in the number of children you have, probably one of my underlying fears). So to continue, just before I go into one of the hospital rooms to meet with my doctor I am passing by my other body and waving to my other kid who has a full head of hair and is already smiling and waving so I waved hi and made silly faces at them. The weird thing about that kid was that his eyes were huge, like almost anime eyes and he somewhat resembled Elijah Wood. The dream pretty much ends there. So that was dream number one.
Second dream: I had this one just today when I was having my nap. I'm not sure if this was a nesting type dream or what but I was cleaning out my fridge and purging it of all old foods. Mainly the food that I threw away were these once delicious looking slices of cake wrapped in plastic baggies. As I was throwing out each piece I would remember and reminisce in my mind for a moment about each party that I had gotten them at and would remember how delicious each piece was when I originally ate it. None of the pieces had mold on them or anything but just were past that stage of being worth it to eat. I think possibly this dream could have had to do with the fact I am trying to be cautious of what I eat while I am pregnant and also fear of gaining too much weight since I have already gained well over 30 lbs! I know I don't look it but the scale doesn't lie.
So not much to update on symptom wise except my back pain is horrendous in my tail bone and I am just feeling somewhat more uncomfortable as the days go on, especially in bed where I am constantly tossing from one side to the next. In other news, I know that my one of my showers is coming up soon so I am really excited about that and I will be updating on that once that gets here. Its amazing to think how far I have come with this pregnancy even though I still have 2 more months from tomorrow. I am really going to try to enjoy the rest of it because I know that time will go by so fast and I don't want to rush anything.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
26.5 weeks....13.2 to go
Okay so its only been a little more than 2 1/2 weeks that I've written but seriously my belly has recently gone through a big growth spurt. Judah should officially be about 2 pounds and have his eyes open by now if not opening in the very near future.
I was just rereading my previous blogs and read that my belly was "manageable" and that I could "still bend over", well that has certainly changed in recent weeks. Now, I notice that while I am walking at work or going up my stairs at home I get winded pretty fast. I also am getting the most annoying leg cramps, so much so that the other day when I woke up I seriously could not walk, a little scary if you ask me. I also have been having vision changes and get dizzy a lot easier than before. Vision changes include seeing stars whenever I stand up or change positions. For example, I had called the doctor's office about my vision changes, as well as other things, and they told me to come in to get it checked out because it potentially could be a blood pressure issue. I got my blood pressure checked, it came out great, but when I was in my examination room I had to lie down to check the baby's heart beat and almost immediately I started seeing "stars". This has been happening for the past week almost everyday. So I'm not sure if I'm dehydrated, moving too fast, or stressed, because I have gone through a lot of stress recently. Whatever it is I'll just have to keep an eye on it.
The only other significant change in the past 2 1/2 weeks is the best one and that is that Judah's movements are getting much stronger and I can feel him from pretty much from morning til night. His movements earlier on in the pregnancy were not as strong and noticeable from the outside, but certainly are now, and weren't nearly as frequent. I like to call his movements "drum solos" because sometimes he moves around so much at one time in my belly it feels like he's using me as a drum set. I am getting really excited for his arrival and a little nervous too, but I think that's normal. Timm and I are going to be starting our birthing classes in 20 days, which go on for a total of 5 weeks, although we skip a week in between. So by the time I'm done with birthing classes and my breastfeeding class I will be 35 1/2 weeks pregnant, so pretty much getting pretty close. I have 1 week and 2 days til I would consider myself to officially be in the 3rd trimester. I am approaching the 7 month mark quickly and couldn't be happier. This is truly the biggest blessing in my life ever, next to marrying my wonderful husband!
I was just rereading my previous blogs and read that my belly was "manageable" and that I could "still bend over", well that has certainly changed in recent weeks. Now, I notice that while I am walking at work or going up my stairs at home I get winded pretty fast. I also am getting the most annoying leg cramps, so much so that the other day when I woke up I seriously could not walk, a little scary if you ask me. I also have been having vision changes and get dizzy a lot easier than before. Vision changes include seeing stars whenever I stand up or change positions. For example, I had called the doctor's office about my vision changes, as well as other things, and they told me to come in to get it checked out because it potentially could be a blood pressure issue. I got my blood pressure checked, it came out great, but when I was in my examination room I had to lie down to check the baby's heart beat and almost immediately I started seeing "stars". This has been happening for the past week almost everyday. So I'm not sure if I'm dehydrated, moving too fast, or stressed, because I have gone through a lot of stress recently. Whatever it is I'll just have to keep an eye on it.
The only other significant change in the past 2 1/2 weeks is the best one and that is that Judah's movements are getting much stronger and I can feel him from pretty much from morning til night. His movements earlier on in the pregnancy were not as strong and noticeable from the outside, but certainly are now, and weren't nearly as frequent. I like to call his movements "drum solos" because sometimes he moves around so much at one time in my belly it feels like he's using me as a drum set. I am getting really excited for his arrival and a little nervous too, but I think that's normal. Timm and I are going to be starting our birthing classes in 20 days, which go on for a total of 5 weeks, although we skip a week in between. So by the time I'm done with birthing classes and my breastfeeding class I will be 35 1/2 weeks pregnant, so pretty much getting pretty close. I have 1 week and 2 days til I would consider myself to officially be in the 3rd trimester. I am approaching the 7 month mark quickly and couldn't be happier. This is truly the biggest blessing in my life ever, next to marrying my wonderful husband!
Friday, March 5, 2010
21.5 Weeks and counting
(March 5, 2010)
Wow, almost 22 weeks. Seems like so much time has gone by, yet there's still so much time ahead of me! One thing is for sure is that once you reach that 20 week mark you usually have less than 20 weeks left and I am sure that the last month will fly by with all the doctor's appointments and setting up there is to be done. For those who are wondering how far 22 weeks is, its about 5 1/2 months, which on a 9 month scale would leave me with 3 1/2 months left...wrong! If you look at the calendar of my due date July 11, 2010 its more like having 4 months and 1 week left, so its all a bit confusing. If you do go by the 40 week calendar and count a month at every 4 weeks, then you're technically pregnant for 10 months, throwing that 9 month rule thing out the window. I personally prefer to go by the 10 month scale simply because it makes it feel like time is going by faster. Faster for me to see my baby, which by the way, I found out the sex! ITS A BOY! And yes we do have a name, a good strong one too, its Judah Isaac!
(March 23, 2010)
Okay, I just had my 6 month appointment! Everything is right on target, my belly was measured at 24 cm and I'm 24 weeks =) So I am so happy everything is going to a T, but I am so ready to just have my baby! I know I am going to grow a lot more too, but its all worth it. I am looking so forward to meeting him, learning his personality, and sharing the love that I have had saved for him before I ever knew I would have him grow inside me.
Truly the second trimester is definitely the "honeymoon period" of pregnancy. I have felt so good that I forget sometimes that I am pregnant! My belly is very manageable and I can still bend over and get around with ease. Although, sometimes if I'm sitting in a chair for a long time my legs will get tired and it'll be hard to stand up but that's it. The only other challenges I felt physically lately is nausea is rearing its ugly head again on and off, but mainly off thank goodness. The doctor said that is totally normal and can happen with all the changing hormones. I would say that one thing that is surprising me lately is how much weight I am gaining. I am gaining weight daily it seems, since prepregnancy I have gained over 20 lbs! I personally know that I don't look it but I still have 3 months or so to gain more weight and that's the time that I'd gain the most, so I'm a little afraid of just how much weight I'll have to lose post pregnancy, but like I said, its all worth it!
I have to say this, another part of being in the latter half of the second trimester is that I am getting a lot of belly stares, and its not like I can really hide my belly anymore but please for my sake and for other pregnant women's sake, please do not treat it like an object! I get tons of comments all the time at work about how my belly looks rather than asking me about what's inside it. I know that when someone is pregnant it can be fascinating to a lot of people but please be sensitive and remember that we pregnant ladies can feel fat, tired, moody, sometimes not that pretty, large, stretched out, uncomfortable, in pain, and protective just to name a few. So say a kind word about how good we look, if you really mean it, and maybe some words of encouragement to get us through the day cause some days are harder than others especially when you have never successfully had a baby before. Also we know we look big so there is no need to remind us of how enormous we will be getting once we're closer and closer to our due dates. Point is, be mindful of what you say cause we aren't objects =)
Lastly, you may be wondering, am I nervous to go through delivery? Do I think, will I be a good parent? How will we make it financially? I just have one answer for all of this and for anyone else who may be in a similar situation and that is that the Lord has forseen this and allowed this and because of that He will provide in every way that we need. Psalm 37:25 I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. Now this doesn't mean that I dont' struggle with this or that I or anyone else can just coast through life saying "well I'm a Christian, I'm set for life, the Lord won't allow me to suffer too bad", it means that you must truly have faith that He will provide and obey His commands.
Also remember:
Matthew 6:25-34 ...Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? WHO OF YOU BY WORRYING CAN ADD A SINGLE HOUR TO HIS LIFE? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ...If that is how GOD clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown in to the fire, will HE not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own.
Wow, almost 22 weeks. Seems like so much time has gone by, yet there's still so much time ahead of me! One thing is for sure is that once you reach that 20 week mark you usually have less than 20 weeks left and I am sure that the last month will fly by with all the doctor's appointments and setting up there is to be done. For those who are wondering how far 22 weeks is, its about 5 1/2 months, which on a 9 month scale would leave me with 3 1/2 months left...wrong! If you look at the calendar of my due date July 11, 2010 its more like having 4 months and 1 week left, so its all a bit confusing. If you do go by the 40 week calendar and count a month at every 4 weeks, then you're technically pregnant for 10 months, throwing that 9 month rule thing out the window. I personally prefer to go by the 10 month scale simply because it makes it feel like time is going by faster. Faster for me to see my baby, which by the way, I found out the sex! ITS A BOY! And yes we do have a name, a good strong one too, its Judah Isaac!
(March 23, 2010)
Okay, I just had my 6 month appointment! Everything is right on target, my belly was measured at 24 cm and I'm 24 weeks =) So I am so happy everything is going to a T, but I am so ready to just have my baby! I know I am going to grow a lot more too, but its all worth it. I am looking so forward to meeting him, learning his personality, and sharing the love that I have had saved for him before I ever knew I would have him grow inside me.
Truly the second trimester is definitely the "honeymoon period" of pregnancy. I have felt so good that I forget sometimes that I am pregnant! My belly is very manageable and I can still bend over and get around with ease. Although, sometimes if I'm sitting in a chair for a long time my legs will get tired and it'll be hard to stand up but that's it. The only other challenges I felt physically lately is nausea is rearing its ugly head again on and off, but mainly off thank goodness. The doctor said that is totally normal and can happen with all the changing hormones. I would say that one thing that is surprising me lately is how much weight I am gaining. I am gaining weight daily it seems, since prepregnancy I have gained over 20 lbs! I personally know that I don't look it but I still have 3 months or so to gain more weight and that's the time that I'd gain the most, so I'm a little afraid of just how much weight I'll have to lose post pregnancy, but like I said, its all worth it!
I have to say this, another part of being in the latter half of the second trimester is that I am getting a lot of belly stares, and its not like I can really hide my belly anymore but please for my sake and for other pregnant women's sake, please do not treat it like an object! I get tons of comments all the time at work about how my belly looks rather than asking me about what's inside it. I know that when someone is pregnant it can be fascinating to a lot of people but please be sensitive and remember that we pregnant ladies can feel fat, tired, moody, sometimes not that pretty, large, stretched out, uncomfortable, in pain, and protective just to name a few. So say a kind word about how good we look, if you really mean it, and maybe some words of encouragement to get us through the day cause some days are harder than others especially when you have never successfully had a baby before. Also we know we look big so there is no need to remind us of how enormous we will be getting once we're closer and closer to our due dates. Point is, be mindful of what you say cause we aren't objects =)
Lastly, you may be wondering, am I nervous to go through delivery? Do I think, will I be a good parent? How will we make it financially? I just have one answer for all of this and for anyone else who may be in a similar situation and that is that the Lord has forseen this and allowed this and because of that He will provide in every way that we need. Psalm 37:25 I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. Now this doesn't mean that I dont' struggle with this or that I or anyone else can just coast through life saying "well I'm a Christian, I'm set for life, the Lord won't allow me to suffer too bad", it means that you must truly have faith that He will provide and obey His commands.
Also remember:
Matthew 6:25-34 ...Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? WHO OF YOU BY WORRYING CAN ADD A SINGLE HOUR TO HIS LIFE? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ...If that is how GOD clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown in to the fire, will HE not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Blog Hiatus...lots of updates
(Written in the beginning of November 2009, it is now mid January 2010)
So I purposefully took a blog hiatus due to me being pregnant a 2nd time. If you come upon this then well you get to read it but its mainly for me to get my mind clear. I have a little, very little, baby inside me with a wonderful heartbeat of 173 bpm. I can't wait to find out if its a boy or girl so I can start preparing. Timm is so excited and that makes me so happy.
(Continued January 14, 2010)
Well now my baby is well probably a few times bigger than the last time I wrote. I am still awaiting my next ultrasound. It could be in 2 weeks to 6 weeks, not sure yet, but whenever that is, I will find out what I'm having! I can't believe I have come this far in my pregnancy already, I'm nearly 15 weeks now. I had a doctor's visit when I was 12 weeks and I got to hear my wonderful baby's heartbeat for the first time, it was so relieving and neat. I am truly thankful to God.
So my belly when I had my first ultrasound (at 8 weeks) was pretty much the same as before I was pregnant except I had the tiniest of pooches on the bottom of my tummy. But after the 12 week mark I definitely noticed a difference and had the beginnings of a true baby bump. Now at 14.5 weeks, I am starting to get people who I haven't seen in a while to notice, which is kind of neat and weird. I am thankful, at this point, I have not gained any weight in my face, even though as of late I feel like I've been eating pretty much constantly from morning til night. As for other bodily changes, well the list goes on, my least favorite is the return of acne. I feel like there is nothing I can do to control my poor face. The worst, but oddly not my least favorite, was being so sick for 7 weeks straight. I somehow avoided throwing up at work for 2 months but I kind of didn't mind being sick because it let me know my body was doing what it was supposed to and its generally a good sign that the placenta is growing correctly. So, so far so good, but I will be finishing this blog up completely once my 4 month appointment arrives so I can have a true up to date return of my blog. =)
(Written January 24-27, 2010)
So, my 4 month appointment was perfect. My doctor said "keep up the good work". The baby's heart rate was in the 150's and I just have to wait 5 1/2 more months to meet them! I will be finding out the gender soon too! So excited! I've been feeling movement here and there, especially after I eat. When I was in the waiting room at the office I saw the cutest little chubby baby ever and I couldn't take my eyes off them. It made me realize how excited I was to be having one myself, its truly a blessing. But I do know its going to be a lot of work, so anyone who can ever lend a helping hand, I am open to it!
If you are currently pregnant and have ANY questions at all about pregnancy or want to compare notes, please feel free to contact me because I want to be as much of a help to other pregnant /future pregnant women as possible because I know that I love to ask questions, it just eases the mind (and so does prayer).
So I purposefully took a blog hiatus due to me being pregnant a 2nd time. If you come upon this then well you get to read it but its mainly for me to get my mind clear. I have a little, very little, baby inside me with a wonderful heartbeat of 173 bpm. I can't wait to find out if its a boy or girl so I can start preparing. Timm is so excited and that makes me so happy.
(Continued January 14, 2010)
Well now my baby is well probably a few times bigger than the last time I wrote. I am still awaiting my next ultrasound. It could be in 2 weeks to 6 weeks, not sure yet, but whenever that is, I will find out what I'm having! I can't believe I have come this far in my pregnancy already, I'm nearly 15 weeks now. I had a doctor's visit when I was 12 weeks and I got to hear my wonderful baby's heartbeat for the first time, it was so relieving and neat. I am truly thankful to God.
So my belly when I had my first ultrasound (at 8 weeks) was pretty much the same as before I was pregnant except I had the tiniest of pooches on the bottom of my tummy. But after the 12 week mark I definitely noticed a difference and had the beginnings of a true baby bump. Now at 14.5 weeks, I am starting to get people who I haven't seen in a while to notice, which is kind of neat and weird. I am thankful, at this point, I have not gained any weight in my face, even though as of late I feel like I've been eating pretty much constantly from morning til night. As for other bodily changes, well the list goes on, my least favorite is the return of acne. I feel like there is nothing I can do to control my poor face. The worst, but oddly not my least favorite, was being so sick for 7 weeks straight. I somehow avoided throwing up at work for 2 months but I kind of didn't mind being sick because it let me know my body was doing what it was supposed to and its generally a good sign that the placenta is growing correctly. So, so far so good, but I will be finishing this blog up completely once my 4 month appointment arrives so I can have a true up to date return of my blog. =)
(Written January 24-27, 2010)
So, my 4 month appointment was perfect. My doctor said "keep up the good work". The baby's heart rate was in the 150's and I just have to wait 5 1/2 more months to meet them! I will be finding out the gender soon too! So excited! I've been feeling movement here and there, especially after I eat. When I was in the waiting room at the office I saw the cutest little chubby baby ever and I couldn't take my eyes off them. It made me realize how excited I was to be having one myself, its truly a blessing. But I do know its going to be a lot of work, so anyone who can ever lend a helping hand, I am open to it!
If you are currently pregnant and have ANY questions at all about pregnancy or want to compare notes, please feel free to contact me because I want to be as much of a help to other pregnant /future pregnant women as possible because I know that I love to ask questions, it just eases the mind (and so does prayer).
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Comfort
I started writing a blog a week ago about how embarrassing it was to be crying so much in front of people and my nervousness/ anxiousness about an upcoming doctor's appointment. I was about to express that side of my emotions until the Lord did a work in me where on Monday I somehow felt instantly better. I now actually feel like myself again (for the most part), which as you can see in my previous blog I thought I wouldn't feel like that for a long time! Well praise God. I do feel tremendously better and think that today is the first day I have gone without crying at all. Not that I couldn't still cry at the drop of a hat like if I were to watch Marley & Me for example.
I have so much to be thankful for and am trying to concentrate on the good thoughts. I have also found great comfort in talking with other women who have had miscarriages (some multiple) and know that most of them ended up having healthy babies thereafter. I also have found comfort in certain women from my assembly who have gone beyond their own comfort zones to be there for a mourning "mother". I credit the Lord and all the prayers that have gone out for me and Timm for the reason for me feeling so much better and for my eagerness to write about His work in my life. I do look forward to trying again when the time is right and if it is in the Lord's will.
I recently heard a sermon saying that the Lord puts you through trials because He loves you. These trials are put into place to make you more like Him and bring you closer to Him as you go through the difficulty because when you persevere you come out stronger and more mature on the other side of the struggle. I just want this blog to be an encouragement to anyone who is going through a trial themselves right now, for it seems like there are a number of people around me who are facing life changing difficulties right now.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
I have so much to be thankful for and am trying to concentrate on the good thoughts. I have also found great comfort in talking with other women who have had miscarriages (some multiple) and know that most of them ended up having healthy babies thereafter. I also have found comfort in certain women from my assembly who have gone beyond their own comfort zones to be there for a mourning "mother". I credit the Lord and all the prayers that have gone out for me and Timm for the reason for me feeling so much better and for my eagerness to write about His work in my life. I do look forward to trying again when the time is right and if it is in the Lord's will.
I recently heard a sermon saying that the Lord puts you through trials because He loves you. These trials are put into place to make you more like Him and bring you closer to Him as you go through the difficulty because when you persevere you come out stronger and more mature on the other side of the struggle. I just want this blog to be an encouragement to anyone who is going through a trial themselves right now, for it seems like there are a number of people around me who are facing life changing difficulties right now.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Patience is certainly Long Suffering
I am having a very hard time this week. I have yet to feel like my "normal self" again. I think its going to be a very long time before that happens. I'm still feeling withdrawn and quiet (in fear of showing emotion) but am forcing myself slowly back into the social scene. What's happening now, because I am being more social, is I feel like I see babies everywhere and it kills me inside. I am really trying to give it all to the Lord and be patient. Patience can be a long hard road especially when you are battling your human nature of wanting things now and taking things into your own hands to get things done your way. I know how I want things to be but what I want even more is to be in God's will because His ways are better than mine. Its hard to be patient too because His answer is going to be at a time that I can't predict. This is where I know I need to be content and this makes it a daily struggle. I am also dealing with pains in my stomach area still, which some may not go away for months, and its just been a constant reminder of what I've lost.
Even though I am not pregnant anymore, my priorities have changed considerably. I felt a strong wake up call to take better care of myself and the things around me that I already have (family, my pets, my body). I've also strengthened my relationship with the Lord through this because He's forcing me to rely on Him, cause in times like these, no one else is nearly as sufficient.
I am pretty much back in the swing of things of life, for the most part (like I haven't really had much passion for a lot of my interests like cooking or playing piano), but there is something in me that still feels very empty. I do have to say I am very thankful for my job, which I love, my church family, my father, and my husband. Things could be worse and I'm doing my best to not break down, but it is all still very trying.
Even though I am not pregnant anymore, my priorities have changed considerably. I felt a strong wake up call to take better care of myself and the things around me that I already have (family, my pets, my body). I've also strengthened my relationship with the Lord through this because He's forcing me to rely on Him, cause in times like these, no one else is nearly as sufficient.
I am pretty much back in the swing of things of life, for the most part (like I haven't really had much passion for a lot of my interests like cooking or playing piano), but there is something in me that still feels very empty. I do have to say I am very thankful for my job, which I love, my church family, my father, and my husband. Things could be worse and I'm doing my best to not break down, but it is all still very trying.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Moving Forward
During the past four days I asked myself "Why is there nothing in the Bible about miscarriages?" I'm sure, since God allowed it, women must have gone through it since the beginning of time, but not once does the Word talk about losing a child before being born. I know that children have been taken away by God's hand before, as well as other loved ones, but just "why not"! What I am realizing now is, its not about the specific situation I should be looking into the Bible for, but the relation I have to people like Rachel in the mourning of the loss of a child (or any loss). The Word comforts me by letting me know I am not alone in the way I feel.
Matthew 2:18 "...weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted because they are no more."
But more importantly I am realizing that I am not in control of anything and He made plans for me I could never imagine, such as being married to my wonderful husband. I like the saying "Man Proposes, God Disposes", meaning that what I want and plan in life is not necessarily what God wants, and He sometimes changes my path drastically. It can be hard to accept, but I know God does these things because He loves me and also for the betterment of His kingdom in Heaven, where I know I already have a place.
Isaiah 55:8-11 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thought than your thoughts...my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."
Matthew 2:18 "...weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted because they are no more."
But more importantly I am realizing that I am not in control of anything and He made plans for me I could never imagine, such as being married to my wonderful husband. I like the saying "Man Proposes, God Disposes", meaning that what I want and plan in life is not necessarily what God wants, and He sometimes changes my path drastically. It can be hard to accept, but I know God does these things because He loves me and also for the betterment of His kingdom in Heaven, where I know I already have a place.
Isaiah 55:8-11 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thought than your thoughts...my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."
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